Mark 1:11

A voice from heaven said, "You are my own dear son, and I am pleased with You.

I have been attending the healing sessions of Cross Current since last week. This is my fourth session and today's topic is being secured in God, the Father's love. The lecturer himself is a father, who's past include not being a father to his daughters, who is a work and sex addict, who after 29 years of being together, his wife decided to leave him and God intervened and his healing began.

How our earthly fathers are a father to us is important. How we relate to him is how we relate to God the father and this is unconsciously formed in us especially when we were children. However, our earthly fathers, are humans too and have wronged us in a way unconsciously or consciously. They may have rejcted, neglected or abused us in one way or another. The pain that caused by this is kept into our hearts and we feel empty and lonely. Often, we seek to fill this emptiness with people or things or habits which are sometimes misdirected and can bring us further into destruction of more intense pain and loneliness. We become attached to these things and we become addicted to it. These things may be in a form of alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, gluttony, or if you're a Christian in a ministry, it could be your ministry.

Personally, I was attracted with persons of the same sex. Growing up, I have experienced neglect and rejection from my earthly father. My father is a good father, he provides me with everything I need. He corrects if me if I have done something wrong. I would have understood my father's good intentions for me if I have felt his love, the kind of love a son would want his father to give it to him - a pat in a back, a short phrase of appreciation, sympathy when you failed, and most of all affirmation.

I grew up fearing my father. For me, he was like a dictator with terrible authority that if you will not do this you'll be killed. He often tells me and my siblings that education is important so at school, I worked hard to achieve good grades and I landed 1st in the honor roll but he just said nothing. I thought he'd be happy. But he didn't attended and in the future any of my closing ceremonies when I was in elementary and people would laugh at me seeing me pinning my own ribbon. When I was in high school, I even have to almost drag him calling him to attend the closing ceremonies. When he got there he would often complain when this will be over so that he can go back to office after that. I perceived I was really not important for my father. His work was more important than me. In college, I failed one subject. I studied very hard with all my sweat and blood in order to pass but I didn't. The whole semester got me all weary and I was frustrated, disappointed and tired. When I got home, I was expecting some sympathy. I'm hoping my parents would understand especially my father. But my father reacted the opposite, he was angry and he said that if I cannot pass even one subject, I'd better quit school and study vocational course. I understand he spent thousand pesos for my tuition but it didn't occur to me that way. His money spent was more important than me. From that day on, I was convinced that there was no hope of pleasing my father and making me worthy of his attention. I worked so hard but I would never be good enough for him.

And because of this, I sought this love and attention from other people. I would be over servile to my friends to win their company. I become emotionally attached with my male bestfriends. I believed that I would do everything for them to keep their attention to me. I sought this love with the male partners I have in the past. The emptiness and loneliness become eroticized and I substited sex for appreciation, affirmation and acceptance of my deeds - of who I am.

Praise God, He has been so gracious and I prayed to let Him work on me. I have decided to lay down this emptiness and my healing began. And this one session is just a phase of my healing. The Holy Spirit just led me into reverie of prayer of being secured in God the Father's love. He created me in His own image and he loves me for who I am. I don't have to work hard and impress Him to love me because He loved me despite my failures and mistakes. I was crying before God as I lay these hurts before the foot of His son's cross. I was crying as I start to release forgiveness to my earthly father. He too may have his hurts too with his own father. As I reflect on Mark 1:11, the message was for Jesus when He was baptized, but at that moment, I felt God was speaking those words personally for me. I am his son with whom He is pleased - no matter who I am or what I have done. I felt a great surge of joy and peace and I just can't help but cry.

Dad, if you're reading this article. I just wanted to tell you that I love so much. I really praise God that He has brought us to this point in our lives that we are starting to have a father-son relationship. I have forgiven you and hope you forgive me too for the times I rejected you in moments when you attempted to bond with me. Truly God has the best things for us in His time.

God Bless You All and Have a Blessed Week!


"All for the glory of God

This famous statement made my Jesus Christ is found at Luke 5:10 along with the story of the calling of the first disciples in Luke 5:1-11

⁵ Simon answered, “Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

However, the core of my message is verse 5. Peter had said, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything,. What does it has to do with us?

Personally I have prayed to God about a dream an ambition and make it a life purpose that someday, I'll produce a large musical. A remake of "My Utmost for His Highest". It will be a grand production, involving costly costumes and props, with big stars singing the solos and world-class choir. I prayed about it day and night with so much enthusiasm and sentimentality, developing a strong hope within me. One day there was an opportunity for me to work as Production Assistant in the show business industry. I prayed to God and told him that this must be His answer to my prayer request.

I was exposed in a world of illusions - where being good-looking is all that matters, where people appear nice as they look but wolves dressed in sheep's fur, where lies, immorality and sin are the norm, where at the surface there is laughing but deep inside is the unexpressed loneliness. During those times, I struggled emotionally, feeling so less important and it makes me feel sorry for myself. However, I still worked hard, not even minding even if I have to sleep at 4 am in the morning and sleep for 4 hrs or being insulted, stepped-down by people who think they have the authority to do that. I didn't mind. This is God's will.

Financially the money was instant, I receive my "talent fee" upon agreement. I entrusted a friend, or so I thought he was with some of the show expenses with my earnings and some of the personal allowance thinking that I will get all of them back when the show is done. Many people including almost all of my friends, and especially my parents advise me to look for a more stable way to earn money but I did not listen. I even turned down a job offer for this. I'm still clinging to the perceived will of God even if at any snap, I could be ruined. To make the story short, I ended up losing a couple of thousand pesos and that friend of mine was nowhere to be found.

And so like Simon Peter, I declared, I have fished all night and caught nothing. I have worked hard to realize a dream but I was ruined. I prayed to God and asked why he let it happen. It happened because God is showing me I have the wrong motives, I was not really seeking His will. Sometimes when God acts, you experience it the hard way to knock us out of our worldliness and to focus on Him. And now I say, "But because you say so... I will let down the nets". To be sensitive to God's will, he have to set aside our worldy intentions and to focus on things that will glorify Him and only Him. Letting down the nets, means surrendering and denying yourself, letting Him to take control over your life.

"All for the glory of God